Ah, it’s that magical time of the year again. When baseless conspiracy theories about a stolen election ramp up, mass shootings abound and we all take note of the little things that matter, like rising Covid deaths and climate change. But Wait! you protest, tiny fists clenched by your side and eyes brimming with tears, It’s also Christmas! And you know what? You would be right. It’s also Hannnukah and Kwanza, which is why people call it the holidays. Ironic, I know.
If you’re a stoner maybe none of this matters. Hell, maybe you’re a weed-smoking Jehovah’s Witness, which in that case none of this matters. Regardless, deep down inside even the most hardened cynic amongst us likes to receive gifts. This is why I’ve gone ahead and compiled a list of seven of the best holiday gift ideas for Stoners. You might just find something special for that prodigious pothead in your life, even if they likely won’t remember to properly thank you until the new year:
When I first saw the Otto Electric Grinder from Banana Bros advertised on my Facebook feed I froze, stopped what I was doing and immediately metamorphosized into a full-on meme:
Now listen. If you’re like me, you’re old school. Joints are typically rolled with dry, dusty hands in front of less than impressed friends. If you’re a Baby Boomer you might have a rolling machine as your arthritic digits likely can’t roll em’ like they used to, but that really depends on how big a stoner you are. Regardless, the methods to roll joints haven’t changed much in the last 100 years or so and that’s a damn shame.
Otto has an answer to this madness. It grinds your herbs into a fine dusty powder and sifts it into a ready-made cone so you can easily smoke in seconds. No more oblong joints that look like pregnant caterpillars, no more impatient friends leaning over your shoulder asking you to hurry so they can bogart all the weed. With Otto, the future of joint rolling is right now, and it is freaking awesome.
The Cannagar is a simple yet genius tool to make your own weed-filled cigar. Not a blunt mind you, but an actual thick-as-your-index-finger cigar. I bought one of these for a friend because it looked like something two weed heads could really have some fun with. And I was totally right. We built one and only got through half of it before calling it quits, and that was after a whole night of merrily blazing away. If you have the notion to really make this a Stoner holiday, you can additionally create your own lethal Cannagar by adding hash, kief or a whole slew of other accruements into your weed mix. Not only is this one of those holiday gift ideas for stoners that make you a hit under the mistletoe, but you can also convince the object of your affection to let you partake in the festivities too.
When contemplating holiday gift ideas for stoners, you may need to ask them some questions first. For example, do you enjoy weed edibles such as gummies? Are you a fan of topicals and tinctures and wish you could find some that could provide the potency you want and let’s be honest, need? Do you like your food to be consistently stuffed with cannabis? Hopefully, you see where I’m going with this. The Ardent Nova Decarboxylator (try saying that five times stoned) puts the science of Decarboxylation at your fingertips. Odorless and simple to use, the Lift activates all varieties of herbs for instant consumption–allowing for the perfect potency for all your cannabis-infused dishes. With the Ardent Nova, there’s no more guesswork with your edible making. You can create your own tailor-made edibles each and every time.
If you had asked me three or four years ago if today I would be a dab scrapping, concentrate inhaling, wax and resin smoking degenerate I would have likely scoffed at you. Well here we are at the cusp of 2020 and I’m certainly getting no better. This is why I’ve seriously considered upping my dab game and investing in the Dr. Dabber Switch. This contraption allows for serious dabbing–and not the kind that you receive from your standard ceramic or coiled dab chambers. Dr. Dabber Switch utilizes induction heat technology which is significantly faster than other heating methods. Induction heating creates an even heating surface temperature with fewer hot-spots, providing a consistent flavor during your vaporizing experience. This is one of those items that appear year after year on holiday gift guides, because, well, the shit works.
While you may think your local dispensary is providing you factual, reliable information about the cannabis you’re smoking, the truth is often a bit murkier. That’s because many folks don’t rely on actual diagnostics that detail a plant’s potency and composition, they just guess that shit. The makers of HiGrade have developed a mobile app that provides you with instant cannabis testing straight from your smartphone. You can confidently check your bud’s THC level, find out more about its quality or simply have more insight into the product you’re consuming. Not only is this a good holiday gift idea for a stoner, but you can also take care of the science nerds in your life too.
If you’re looking to turn your holiday baked goods up a notch with a gift that keeps on giving, the Magical Butter Machine is your standard. And while the company may advertise themselves as an immersion blender with a digital thermostat and heating unit, we stoners know what’s up. Your Butter Machine grinds, heats, stirs, and steeps–all at the correct time intervals and temperature–so you can create tailor-made cannabis-infused edibles Santa will be sure to love. Just make to wake him up before the kids do.
Subscription Boxes are the hip new thing now, especially in light of our inability to purchase in person or shop normally. Who knows when we’ll be able to do that again? And with all the subscription boxes out there, it’s often hard to discern the good ones from the ones someone just set up in their Shopify store in the hopes of making a few bucks. That said, the one cannabis-centric subscription box I stand by is from Hemper. Hemper is decidedly cool. Featuring themed boxes, you might receive a UFO-shaped bong one month and a switchblade roach clip the next. And for a monthly asking price starting around $25, this is one gift that will be sure to spread cheer into 2021.